


This Winter Home

by MyOwlWearsGlasses



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, Ruby ships destiel, also i don't wanna get anyone's hopes up but there's some ruby/sam if you squint, at least ruby's still into sam but sam hasn't forgiven her yet, gratuitous use of Bob Seger, tagged as MCD because Jack is still dead in this one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-29
Updated: 2019-05-29
Packaged: 2020-03-26 17:37:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19010602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyOwlWearsGlasses/pseuds/MyOwlWearsGlasses
Summary: Ruby turned back to him. "Dance with me."Castiel blinked at her. "What?"She made a "come here" gesture. "Dance with me. This is a good song.'"Why?" Castiel asked, baffled.She walked to him, grabbed his arms, and urged him into the center of the library where there was a little more space. "So you don't make a fool out of yourself when you and Dean dance to 'We've Got Tonight' the night before our big match against God."





	This Winter Home

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is lovingly dedicated to the "Bob Seger Ultimate Hits" album that helped me survive my road trip across the Southeast United States last week. Driving a combined 20 hours in a car without a working air conditioner gave me the world's worst sunburn and an idea of what Ruby went through in Hell.
> 
> Sort of a sequel to "Apocalypse Take 2" so you might want to read that one first.

 

 

It was the sound of the piano intro to "Old Time Rock N' Roll" that drew Castiel out of Jack's bedroom to the library.

It had been a couple of hours since they returned to the bunker, where Castiel carried Jack's body to his room and arranged him on the bed so that he appeared to be sleeping. He was still tired from fighting the zombies at the cemetery -- and he hadn't healed Sam's shoulder yet because of it, dammit -- and the stresses of spray painting devil's traps on all the bedrooms in the bunker before letting the demons in and  _then_ having to listen to the demons, who ostensibly were there to help them, argue with Sam and Dean about how to defeat God, until the Winchesters finally begged off to go to bed -- too tired, too worn down by Chuck's betrayal and Jack's murder and zombie attacks -- well, Castiel was just about ready to pick a fight with anyone, and since he couldn't pick one with Chuck, Dean was the next on his list. 

But it wasn't Dean in the library.

Ruby looked no different than she had 10 years ago when she seduced Sam into breaking Lucifer from the cage -- same black hair and dark eyes and long limbs and sweet smile that belied the treachery underneath. Same tight jeans and leather jacket, even, though Castiel knew better than anybody how when the Empty brought you back, it brought you back wearing more or less the same attire you'd died in. Ruby looked every bit the rock n' roll fan as she bobbed her head and mouthed along with Bob Seger.

 

_Just take these old records off the shelf_

_I sit and listen to them by myself_

_Today's music ain't got the same soul_

_I like that old time rock n' roll_

 

"What are you doing?" Castiel demanded, finding himself furious on Dean's behalf even though he'd come in here specifically to argue with Dean.

Ruby swung around, saw him, and turned the volume on Dean's turntable down, though she kept swaying to the beat. "Ah, there's Dean's angel."

"I'm not Dean's angel," Castiel snapped.

Ruby shrugged. "Could've fooled me. Hastur says Bela's insanely jealous of you, by the way."

Castiel didn't know much about Bela, other than that she had known Crowley and seemed to have had a history with the Winchesters before she died, went to Hell, and became a crossroads demon. But Ruby's mention of her made him remember her and the other demons who had been waiting for them when they'd pulled up outside the bunker. "Where are the other demons?" he asked.

"They went to find a bar when they realized they couldn't get into the rest of your secret base here. Thanks for warding the place against us, by the way. Really says 'welcome to the team.'"

"Why aren't you with them?" 

"I wanted to check out Dean's music collection."

 

_Call me a relic, call me what you will_

_Say I'm old-fashioned, say I'm over the --_

 

Castiel lifted the turntable cartridge in the middle of the verse, and Ruby threw up her hands. "What the hell?" 

"Did Dean say you could listen to his records?" Castiel asked.

Ruby's murderous glare was answer enough.

Castiel turned and started to leave before she spoke again. "You know, we're not that different."

Against his better judgment, Castiel turned back around.

"You manipulated Dean for Heaven, I manipulated Sam for Hell," Ruby continued. "But you got a redemption arc, and I got stabbed and sent to the Empty."

"Well, I didn't tempt anyone to drink demon blood."

"You mean the demon blood that made Sam powerful enough to exorcise demons without killing their meatsuits? That helped him break and kill Alistair, which even you and your angel buddies couldn't do? That demon blood?"

"Demon blood is unholy--"

"Oh, give me a  _break--_ " 

"--And addictive," Castiel finished. "And you have  _no idea_ what it did to Sam. He carried the guilt of what he did with you for  _years_. He willingly jumped into the cage with Michael and Luficer to be tortured beyond what anyone should have been able to endure. Even then, it wasn't enough to make him feel like he'd atoned."

Ruby was silent, her eyes on the ground.

"He felt like all the suffering caused during the Apocalypse was his doing," Castiel continued. His stomach twisted uncomfortably -- such a human feeling, he was becoming so human now. "And he felt like he'd let Dean down."

Ruby flushed, and Castiel thought he saw something like guilt spark in her dark eyes.

Of course, he must have just imagined that.

"I never wanted to come between Sam and Dean," Ruby said in a low voice. "Hell, after you brought Dean back from the pit, I offered to leave. So they could rebuild their relationship, or whatever."

Castiel hadn't known that, so he didn't say anything.

"As for the bit about demon blood being  _unholy_ ," Ruby continued bitterly, "didn't your holier-than-thou dad just decide to break the universe?"

Castiel leaned against the doorway. The truth was, there  _wasn't_ much difference between them -- certainly not after everything he had done since the Apocalypse. What he'd done to Heaven was irredeemable. And he'd betrayed Dean, hurt him, and Sam, and it wasn't surprising that he wasn't -- that he'd never be --

_(I know who you love, what you fear. There is nothing for you there.)_

\-- _really_ a Winchester, someone  _either_ of the brothers ( _not just ...._ ) would ever love as much as they loved each other, but that had been fine with Castiel these last couple of years because he had Jack, but now....

But he wasn't going to share any of that with a  _demon_. Especially not  _this_ demon.

"You know," he said, because this was worth bringing up, "there is another reason the Winchesters killed you and not me."

"You have a penis?"

"I rebelled," Castiel said. After all these years, it was still the one thing -- other than raising Dean from perdition -- that he never regretted. Especially not now. "I fell and I betrayed my brothers to help Dean --  _before_ Lucifer was raised." He lifted an eyebrow. "Guess they found that more trustworthy than someone who seduced and manipulated Sam into freeing the devil."

Wordlessly, Ruby turned back to the turntable. This time "Till It Shines" began playing.

Ruby turned back to him. "Dance with me."

Castiel blinked at her. "What?"

She made a  _come here_ gesture. "Dance with me. This is a good song."

"Why?" Castiel asked, baffled.

She walked to him, grabbed his arms, and urged him into the center of the library where there was a little more space to move. "So you don't make a fool out of yourself when you and Dean dance to 'We've Got Tonight' the night before our big match against God." She placed his hands at her waist and then laced her fingers behind his neck.

"I don't -- " Castiel started, bewildered.

"Just sway, dingus."

 

_Storm the walls around this prison_

_Leave the inmates, free the guards_

_Deal me up another future_

_From some brand new deck of cards_

 

Castiel let her lead him, swaying awkwardly to the music.

"Are you thinking about Dean?" Ruby asked.

"No," said Castiel, which wasn't quite true, because on some level Castiel was always thinking about Dean.

"Well, you're not thinking about  _me_ , are you?"

"No."

"Good."

 

_I've been too long on these islands_

_I've been too long alone_

_I've been too long without summer_

_In this winter home_

 

Ruby whispered, "I am sorry, you know."

"I'm not the one you should apologize to," Castiel said. 

 

_See the rich man lost and lonely_

_Watch him as he dines_

_Sitting there just testing all the wines_

_Till it shines_

 

_Till it shines_

 

_Till it shines_

 

The song ended, and they pulled apart. Ruby lifted the cartridge, and there was silence except for the statticky bump of the record as it continued to spin.

"You know," Castiel said, "the road to atonement -- it's not easy."

Ruby turned those dark eyes on him. "But is it worth it?"

Castiel thought of Jack, of how he loved  _Star Wars_ and sugary cereal. He thought of going on hunts and discussing books with Sam, and Charlie and Jules and (painfully) Mary. He thought of the crinkles Dean got around his eyes when he smiled.

"Yes," he said.

 

* * *

 

 

After spending a couple of hours in his room getting drunk by himself, Sam went to Jack's room.

"'M sorry," he slurred to the body on the bed. "I failed you. Over and over again, I failed you, Jack."

He pulled a chair up beside the bed, the way he had when Jack was sick. He took Jack's now-cold hand in his. "I let you down, buddy. I'm so sorry -- about your grace, about your soul, about the box -- I should have tried harder to get Dean off his -- whatever."

His throat was burning.  _Just the whiskey_ , Sam thought. That didn't explain the same feeling in his eyes.

"But look, I don't mind telling you, I was  _pissed_ when you killed Mom," he said. "I'm still  _pissed. off._ That's not something that's OK just because you say you're sorry -- even it if was an accident. (Sam was more and more certain it had been an accident.) You have to take responsibility for that."

Sam pressed his forehead to the back of Jack's hand, remembered Lucifer's taunting,  _Daddy Sammy to the rescue._

Not this time.

Besides, Sam could only  _wish_ he'd been Jack's father.

But Jack had always been ( _Lucifer's_ ) Cas and Kelly's. Hell, lately he'd even been more Dean's, and wasn't  _that_ sad? And on that topic --

"I'm pissed at Dean too," he said, because that's what he was apparently doing tonight. Drunkenly venting his feelings to the dead body of his not-son. "I'm going to let Cas be more pissed at him, because, well, he has that right, but I am pissed at him for what he -- for what  _we_ did to you. That wasn't fair."

He blinked tears out of his eyes. "Jack, I'm sorry." 

He sat there for a long time, tears sliding down his cheeks as he thought about how unfair it all was. How his mom hadn't deserved to die, how Jack hadn't deserved to die, how the world didn't deserve to be ending  _again_ any more than he and Dean deserved having to be the ones to ( _try and_ ) save it  _again...._

He felt eyes on the back of his head and whirled, his hand automatically going to Ruby's knife.

Which was ironic, given it turned out to be Ruby, hovering outside the door to Jack's room, even though Sam knew he'd warded the hallway to the bedrooms so the demons couldn't get into this part of the bunker.

"How the hell did you get here?" he demanded.

Ruby's eyes were on Jack -- Jack's  _body_ \-- and it seemed to take some effort on her part to tear them away. "Uh, Castiel let me back here. He said if I tried anything, he would end me. But I told him I wanted to talk to you."

Sam briefly considered punching Cas in the face the next time he saw him. "If I wanted to talk to you, I wouldn't have warded my home against you." And of course the warding was on the door of Jack's room, which he'd left open, which meant that even though she wasn't in the room now, she could come in right now if she wanted....

But Ruby's eyes were back on Jack, and Sam got a weird feeling. 

The demons hadn't gotten a good look at Jack's body when Cas carried it from the Impala into the bunker -- he'd had Jack wrapped in his coat, and Dean, angel blade in hand, had put himself protectively between him and the demons -- but it was clear the demons had been expecting Lucifer's very alive son to be on the Winchesters' team. Sam was surprised they hadn't fucked off when they realized they didn't have an all-powerful half-archangel on their side.

But now, as Ruby drank in Jack's form, Sam remembered how she'd looked when he unlocked the cage. Half terrified, half ecstatic. Like a fanatically devout nun convinced she's about to see God's face.

He moved so that he blocked her view of Jack's face -- his eyes were burnt out, but she couldn't tell because Cas had tied a cloth over them. "He's not your messiah," he said.

Ruby dragged her gaze from Jack to Sam, and she tilted her head. Sam was reminded, absurdly, of Cas before he'd become human. "You loved him."

Sam nearly tripped over himself. "Not because of Lucifer," he spat. "If you think, for one second, that how I felt about Jack had  _anything_ to do with loyalty to his father--"

"I know, Sam," Ruby said, and weirdly, she did seem to know. Her gaze moved to the floor. "That's not why I'm here, anyway."

"Then why are you here?" 

She briefly met his eyes, then sighed. "I told you when you opened the cage that I still cared about you--"

"Not a good time to remind me of that."

"--And you may not like it, but I meant it."

"Get out."

"And I  _still_ mean it."

"Get. Out."

She stood there staring at him, eyes pleading.

He didn't back down, just stared at her. Ten years' worth of fury at her manipulation and betrayal coursed through his veins, hot and overwhelming as flames, and part of him wanted to stab her again -- because he'd trusted her, part of him had even loved her in a weird-fucked up way, he'd betrayed Dean for her and she'd turned him into something filthy and unholy and evil, all so she could raise the filthiest and unholiest and evilest thing he'd ever met.

And yeah, that still included Chuck.

 Ruby held up her hands and took a step back. "OK."

Sam did not lower the knife. 

"It's c-come to my attention that I may have ..." Ruby's eyes flicked up to his and then back down. "...Hurt you more than I thought. When we -- when  _I_ \-- raised Lucifer."

"Oh, you think?"

Ruby flinched. "And I -- I wanted to say I'm..." She blinked a few times, staring at her shoes. "I'm sorry."

"No you're not," Sam sneered. "You don't know the feeling."

"I remember what it's like to be human, Sam," Ruby said. "I haven't forgotten the feeling."

"Yeah? Then describe it to me."

Ruby actually looked up at him again, a little uncertainly. But she was the best liar he'd ever come across in a lifetime of sussing out liars. Hell, she was the only one who'd ever fooled him.

"It feels like it felt right before I went to Hell." She swallowed. "Like I'm -- I'm -- choking on the time I have left. Paralyzed with fear, thinking everything that brought me to this point wasn't worth it and that -- that I want a do-over, a chance to do it right this time." Her eyes became pleading. "And you're the only person left I'm willing to put my faith in."

Sam lowered the knife. "You think I'm going to be the one to stop Chuck."

"Who else could do it, dummy?" she asked, the same tone she'd had when she told him,  _You didn't need the feather to fly, you had it in you the whole time, Dumbo_.

Sam turned back to Jack, swallowing back more tears. "Funny," he said hollowly. "I actually know that feeling."

There was silence for a moment as he took in Jack's still form, not even caring that he'd turned his back to Ruby.

There was some shuffling behind him, like Ruby was fidgeting. "Can I --?" she started. "Can I ask what he was like?"

_Fuck you_ , Sam thought, but he suddenly couldn't find the energy to mean it that much.

So instead he said, "He liked  _Star Wars_." He sniffed. "He taught himself how to pick a lock by watching YouTube videos. He couldn't wait to work a case with zombies." He thought a little more. "I know he and Cas kept sneaking out of bed to eat sugary cereal, even though I told Cas it was bad for him."  He caught himself smiling. "And he -- he used to copy Dean. Whatever Dean did, Jack would try to emulate. Same foods, same beer. It drove Dean nuts." He sniffed again.  _Shit, shit, he was about to cry in front of Ruby._ "Dean taught him how to drive the Impala. Hell, Dean barely lets  _me_ drive that thing." He took a deep breath. "And he -- he gave up his soul trying to save us. Me and Dean and Cas." He paused. There were tears in his eyes again, and they were definitely about to fall. 

Ruby's voice was quiet as she spoke again. "He sounds like you."

Sam dropped the knife and suddenly he was on his knees and crying harder than he'd cried since Dean died and went to Hell. Big, loud sobs, ugly red face, snot and difficulty breathing, the whole disgusting, humiliating thing, and he didn't even care that Ruby was watching because he was just  _so. damn. tired...._

"Sam?" Ruby's voice was small, uncertain. He heard her shuffle forward, then pause. "Do you want me to get Dean?"

Sam shook his head, trying to blink through the tears. He thought if he saw Dean right now, he'd punch him. 

Ruby didn't try to comfort him or touch him. It was almost enough to make Sam forgive her, when she murmured another apology ( _if he didn't know better, he'd think she was really sorry_ ) and slipped away, closing the door with a soft, resounding  _click_.

**Author's Note:**

> I left out Dean and Bela! *gasp* My second-favorite ship in this show! I just couldn't think of what to do with them here, so just assume they're both getting drunk, Dean in his room and Bela at a bar with the other demons who I may or may not have decided were named after demons from Good Omens. Speaking of, if you can't think of anything to say in the comments, just let me know if you're looking forward to Good Omens, which drops on Amazon THIS WEEK! You can also comment with your favorite Bob Seger song or a book recommendation.
> 
> Thanks for reading, darlings! *blows a kiss*


End file.
